Options for employment

There exists, on video, footage of me pretending to be a security guard. It was filmed for a skit shown at an annual  awards ceremony where I used to work. Not only that, but I once portrayed a greasy haired Barney Fife-style copier repair guy complete with pocket protector and floppy disc in the pocket of my white shirt with rolled-up arms. This, too, is on video.

There were many times when I would drive past one of the vacant security guard stations where I used to work and imagine myself in an official-looking security guard outfit, complete with metal-looking badge, waving at cars as they drove past, saying things like "How are you today?" or "Have a nice day!" or "Shouldn't you be wearing pants? Oh, sorry sir! Another meeting of the board?"

Oh, I'm just kidding... Keep your shirt on. Please.

Now that I am looking for another job, I find that there's an entire universe of options open to me. Right now and for the near future I am attempting to find employment doing something similar to what I have done in the past. I can write. I can edit. I can proofread. I can manage people. I can sing and I can dance. I can be so many things. However, my time is not unlimited. Bills have to be paid, and at some point this job search must end and I will have to either find something in the neighborhood of what I have done in the past, or else branch out and do something completely different.

Which brings me back to the videos.

Perhaps I am destined to be a security guard for a major corporation. If so, I want a real metal badge. And an official-looking hat. And a belt I can hang things on, like mace, cell phones and my lunch bag. Some days I will be friendly and simply wave and smile at you as you come and go, while other days I may stop every car that comes by and lecture each driver about something completely irrelevant that is bothering me that day. Star Trek and Dr. Who will be among my favorite subjects for discussion.

Perhaps I am destined to repair copiers or printers. It's a dirty job, but someone has to do it, and before you smirk I'll bet that it's a great job requiring lots of skill and patience. When you are using company equipment to print your resume, the latest recipe you found on the Internet or that book you've been writing when you should have been working, you rely upon your copier repair guy (or gal) to keep your copier copying or printer printing. I can see it now. The printer has died.  A crowd of people stand around it not knowing what to do,  and I suddenly arrive with my metal toolbox and floppy disc to save the day, complete with an aura of golden light bathing my face and the singing of a choir of angels. Yes, you can clap. That's enough now. I have to turn off my flashlight and tape deck and get to work.

But those are not my only options. Look around you and you will see my dilemma. Everywhere you look, someone is working and doing something that you do not understand. Many are parked in large trucks outside of your local 7-Eleven. Many are driving down the highway like maniacs, eager to force you off the road. Yet they're working and getting a paycheck.

Many employed people look up at you with curiosity as you walk by their offices and stop to stare at them blankly through the windows. What do these mysterious people in their offices do all day long? Today, I tried to find out. I took a walk in downtown McKinney, opened an office door and walked in. A secretary looked up at me and said, "Can I help you?" I said, "Yes, I'm looking for a job." She said, "Sir, this is a law office. We do not allow soliciting here. What you're doing is considered soliciting." So I apologized and left.

But it puzzles me. A law office that doesn't allow soliciting.

How do they get any work done?